My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
This can only be settled by a dance off.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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