How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
