I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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