BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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