Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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