I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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