Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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