Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
