I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
