I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
