uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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