end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
