you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
