the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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