So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
