I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
