i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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