ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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