i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
