I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
