Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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