Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
