I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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