so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
