But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
