Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
In America we eat man semen.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
