Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I could fuck to npr.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
