you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
