Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
