The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
