Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
