1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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