he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Houston, we have a blender
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
