Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
