rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
