my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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