Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
