1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
