Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
