No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
