He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
