what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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