Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
