She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
