It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
