Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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