I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
