The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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