can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
is wine microwaveable?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
