are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
