I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
