when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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