I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
