Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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